Eat Fish and Die

Stuck on a small planetoid, we find Major Joachim Merlot. He's the military equivalent of a street sweeper, defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fish-like creatures. Merlot isn't interested in being any kind of hero - he just wants to return home and see who won the office betting pool. His odds of making it back alive are only one in 16, but that doesn't matter. He's been issued a handy dandy Battle Ready Android with the fire power of an entire platoon. The only problem? He can't let the android think too much.

As the interstellar war with the Kasago heats up like a Bengay-laminated jockstrap, we find Major Joachim Merlot and his battalion of battle-ready androids yet again defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fishy creatures. Unlike his last mission, his odds of making it back alive have improved - sort of. As much as the military would prefer him dead, he's more valuable for a bogus court-martial. Is he guilty? Who cares!

While the interstellar war with the Kasago escalates like a monkey's weenie in a Viagra testing lab, we find Major Joachim Merlot and his Battle Ready Android defending Earth against an alien race of stinking fishy creatures. This time Merlot is on a heavily fortified colony planet where everyone figured they were safer than a rectory shower room. As you may have guessed, their assumptions about being penetrated were a bit off course. Sort of like a blind chimp driving with a nine iron.

The interstellar Sardine War is now in full swing like a nail infested baseball bat. And once again we find Major Joachim Merlot in the middle of a nasty interstellar battle. Our hero bets he'll finally get a bullet in the head. But after meeting a hot alien soldier named Espiona, he might just get lucky. That is, in the worst possible way.