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  • THE 23RD PSALM: you didn't marklar fuck the marklar?
    Jun 29 2025

    Charlie has a terrible poker face. Claire sets boundaries. Eko converts. Yemi solves the mystery. Michael cybers. Sun & Jin are too nice to Ana Lucia who suuuuuuuuuucks. Sawyer visits Seville. Jack tries and fails to be comforting.

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    49 Min.
  • SCARY MOVIE 2: i bet she tosses a mean salad
    Jun 28 2025

    Four reanimated corpses are easily tricked by a professor into visiting a haunted house for what started as a school project, but that plot is quickly abandoned, and no one mentioned it after that particular scene.

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    1 Std. und 56 Min.
  • WHAT KATE DID: something, something, something, subtitle
    Jun 22 2025

    Kate commits arson. Sawyer's clueless. Michael is unsupervised. Jack is a logger. Eko is a prophet. Jin is set free. Ana Lucia barely shows up, but she still suuuuuuuuuucks.

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    50 Min.
  • SCREA|V|: it's neVER gonNA hapPEN aGAIN, Chaaaaahd
    Jun 20 2025

    Another fucking killer follows survivors (and people we have no emotional connection to) of the Ghostface murders to New York City, and this movie's quite unnecessary.

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    2 Std. und 34 Min.
  • COLLISION: you can tell he's a killer just by his hair
    May 25 2025

    Sayid loves bondage. Rose & Bernard go interracial. Sun & Jin remember love. Michael grows some balls. Libby is a therapist. Season 2 is essentially over. Ana Lucia has a point, but she still suuuuuuuuuuucks.

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    54 Min.
  • 5CREAM: go home, Sydney, this doesn't concern you
    May 23 2025

    yet another copycat killer dons the same fucking mask and begins killing a random ass group of teenagers to resurrect secrets for no real reason other than to make another movie.

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    2 Std. und 32 Min.
  • THE OTHER 48 DAYS: flying sucks and there's no party
    May 11 2025

    Bernard climbs trees. Libby kills a man five days later. Eko loses his voice. Boone pleads for help. Goodwin is a kabob. the Tailies play chicken. Cindy enjoys korean. Ana Lucia cries like a baby because she suuuuuuuuuucks.

    happy mother's day!

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    57 Min.
  • SCRE4M: it's not an episode, it's Kirby's dating profile
    May 9 2025

    Sidney Prescott's return to Woodsboro coincides with that of the Ghostface Killer, and honestly...how did no one see that coming? she's essentially the harbinger of masked death. seriously. i'm shocked she's not banned from the city or at the very least shunned as a pariah.

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    2 Std. und 20 Min.