Welcome back to another episode. This month is mental health awareness month, which is the focus of today’s episode. Trigger warning: This episode discusses suicide and trauma.

I’m back in therapy, and in that space, I’ve been exploring shame. I never thought shame was such a culprit in my life until I started doing this work with my friend Joyce. What it’s revealed to me is that shame has been both a hindrance and a blessing in my life—and I’m ready to be done with it.

I have used shame as a method of control to be a better mom, better partner, and more. But it’s a lie. I don’t need to shame myself to have control. The shame game is real, but I’m so thankful for the support I’m receiving right now.

In high school, I went through major depression and was first confronted with suicidal thoughts. I would often use food as a coping mechanism. I was baking all the time and I felt really lonely. I had relationships, but they were all surface relationships. I never made any attempts, but I often had and expressed the dark thoughts I was having.

As time went on, I got married and had kids, and I spent a lot of time just making my family a priority. I spent a lot of time doing, and not a lot of time being. There were some difficult years throughout my fifth pregnancy where those thoughts came up again, but after the birth, I became committed to my healing.

You deserve healing too, whatever that looks like for you. Just taking a step in that direction is a big deal. Grounding every day keeps the darkness away. It recalibrates you into power and possibility. The door out of your worst moments is through your gifts and purpose.

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