In this episode, we tackle one of the most challenging aspects of communication: defensiveness. Whether it’s a friend who dismisses others, a family member who reacts sharply, or a coworker who resists feedback, defensiveness often creates distance in relationships. But what if we could work with defensiveness instead of resisting or judging it?

Drawing from real-life listener questions, I explore how to engage with others’ defenses in ways that foster trust, empathy, and connection. Together, we’ll uncover why defensiveness arises, how to approach it with curiosity, and the surprising ways it can become a bridge rather than a barrier. If you’ve ever struggled with someone’s resistance—or your own—this episode is for you. We listen to three different scenarios that can be turned around with the use of really clear requests.


We discuss:

• 1:00 My friend is so judgmental of my other friends. How can I talk to her about this?
• 6:00 Why clear requests are so essential.
• 9:49 Want to experience more care? Try this move.
• 11:39 Leading with curiosity
• 19:44 Working with others' defenses.
• 20:57 How can I warm the relationship I have with my daughter?
• 29:07 How can I request an invitation to dinner?

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


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Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Today's conversation with Julia and Meka explores the problems with being "normal" and recommends strategies for being authentic and real, instead. The idea of being "normal" can be misused to keep people compliant and obedient - but this isn't always the "healthiest" or wisest move.

Additionally, this episode features some discussion on the way domination systems use the concept to uphold existing power structures via moralistic judgements of "good/bad" and "normal/abnormal".

A takeaway: Instead of asking "Is this normal?" try asking instead "Is this working for me?"

• 3:10 How can I remind others how I want to engage?
• 7:30 Care for the impact vs. responsibility for others' reactions.
• 11:30 What is "normal"?
• 14:26 What the concept of normal is used for.
• 15:32 Why we want to inspire change.
• 18:55 Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's healthy.
• 22:20 The way domination systems use the idea of "normal" to enforce obedience and conformity.
• 30:30 The difference between normal and healthy.
• 35:02 The benefit of embracing our authenticity.
• 39:02 Questions we can ask ourselves to reflect

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week we explore critical themes around racism, bullying, emotional safety, and systemic bias, as we talk with Simone about how to protect her kindergarten son from bullying. In this powerful and emotionally charged episode, you'll witness both empathetic support and strategic advice for navigating the complex dynamics of racism, bias, and systemic inaction. Together, we discuss restorative circles, adultification bias, and practical ways to engage allies while ensuring the safety of vulnerable children. This episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone working to create safer, more inclusive communities for children.

We discuss:

• 4:05 My son is being bullied at school and it feels racially charged. How can I encourage all parties to care?
• 10:43 Who are the people with the power that need to engage first?
• 14:24 How can I determine my clear request?
• 18:38 A two-pronged approach: changing people's hearts AND changing systems.
• 20:13 Dreaming BIG: imagining a system that works for all people.
• 23:45 Closing thoughts

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus